and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My vagina just recognized that song.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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