Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
