we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
