Whod you bang
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
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