She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
