But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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