Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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