Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize