Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Drunk is a universal language darling
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize