The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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