Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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