ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize