just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
