the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
