We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
