I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
