My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
