Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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