hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
