Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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