im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
