I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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