I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
