When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
