whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
