She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
