So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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