Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
