no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
