i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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