Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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