you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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