Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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