there's paper in my vomit.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
