I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My vagina is very pro this idea
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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