i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
