Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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