sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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