Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize