OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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