cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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