shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize