Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
