Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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