If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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