dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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