Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
