He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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