if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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