weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
