i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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