Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
