Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Sext me about skeletons
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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