They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
