if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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