I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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