it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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