No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
