Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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