he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
