your room smells of hookers.
And success
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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