Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
