Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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