I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I have aggressive nipples.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
