If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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