She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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