well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
we should paint friendship bongs
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
