Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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